Class reading reflection

Much like Brenna, I also had a very immediate reaction to one of the readings, but in a different way. For me, it was when reading the Dickson-Swift article, Researching sensitive topics: qualitative research as emotion work that really struck me. I read the article this weekend, which followed up a difficult week at work. This article spoke so much about the idea of how your research topic can affect you as the researcher, especially when researching difficult topics, but then also this idea of working in academia and the expectation that you separate yourself from your research and keep your self out of the research because you don’t want to seem unprofessional. The article then goes on to discuss how you should be considering yourself within your research. This concept struck me so vividly this weekend.

I work in academia already and feel this pressure to consistently make sure that I am the strength and guidance for the programs I run, but that my emotions do not show within our work. Last week I was notified by the parents of one of my recent AmeriCorps members that a member who had completed our program in August ended his own life and in accepting the news and talking with my supervisor the expectation was that we would respond as a program by sending food to the family (to sit Shiva), send a “Sad News” announcement to his peers, and plan for a way to highlight his service- we’ll be planting a tree at his service site in memory of him; the expectation was that we as a program act in a way to respond and have that full management of self, but not to feel.  Within my role, I am expected to run the program and work with members, but not to allow emotion in when a member who was sitting in my office only a few weeks ago made such a devastating choice for dealing with their difficulties, which is difficult.

I really had to think about my role at MSU when thinking about this article. And although I didn’t think about the article in the sense of being a researcher (although I am sure I will when I get to that point) working with students in an informal capacity (in the sense that the students are in a program, but not an academic course with me) really does have a human cost. It made me reflect on my own understanding of what I do and how I handle those difficult moments and how I focus, or don’t focus on my own self-care. I think ultimately that will be helpful in realizing some of those deficiencies now, so I can better prepare for when I am ready to do my research which I think has potential for hearing traumatic experiences when discussing foster care, and maybe improve within my current position. Since this article was optional, if you didn’t read it, I highly suggest you take a look because I think it can be helpful for all of us in our research and careers.